sharpchick_2011: (Candle)
[personal profile] sharpchick_2011
My own father and I have had our issues over the years. Many of those centered on race and sexual orientation.

Both of us have mellowed, and in our own ways, have resolved those issues. On the ones in which we cannot agree, we have tacitly agreed not to harp at each other.

But this post is not about my father, it's about my son.
He was always a sensitive kid. He looked out for other people's feelings. I'd like to think that was as a result of my influence, but this kid has always been special. These traits belong to him, and I have no right to claim ownership of them. He's an Aquarius - who's to know what influences, those of his family of origin or other forces - have made him the man he is...
I remember the time he and an elementary school friend were creating *just-the-right* track for their Matchbox cars.

I was hanging clothes on the line, and had the opportunity to overhear their conversation.

They just needed the right incline for a ramp to jump their cars. Adam suggested that the next door neighbor of his friend might have some scrap lumber - just what they needed.

I listened as they discussed it.

When Adam suggested that his friend go ask the girl whose dad had the scrap lumber for a board they could have, the friend told him why that wouldn't work.

See, Adam's friend was mixed race. And Adam's friend wasn't allowed in that girl's yard - because he was mixed race.

I will never forget what my son said, on that sunny summer afternoon, to his friend.

Well, that's just stupid. Your parents are married. Let's go tell my Mom. She'll straighten her parents out..
That boy grew into a man.

And he manned up when his former girlfriend came to his home one day in 2008 and told him that she just couldn't handle being a mom to their daughter, born in 2007. She had Jayden in her arms, and a bundle of Jayden's possessions.

He took his daughter. Called me to ask how he needed to go about becoming her custodial parent.

We traveled that leg of the journey together.

I asked him, Are you sure you can handle this?

He replied, Mom, I am her Dad. There is no choice about whether I can handle this. She's my daughter.
Adam had a good example. His own father was very involved in his life, even though we divorced when Adam was 5.

A few years ago, Adam confessed to me that he couldn't identify with some of his peers whose parents were also divorced. They talked of mind games between their divorced parents, whereas Adam's dad and I scandalized the small community of Bauxite, AR by attending his basketball games together, along with his step-mother.
My son understands, whether intuitively or by example, that our children are to be cherished above all else. There is nothing more important than a child - regardless of that child's parentage or ethnic heritage
My son has mastered that lesson.

The journey is good.

It is all the more delightful when we can see the lessons learned by our children.

Happy Father's Day, son...

Namaste.

Date: 2012-08-20 02:56 am (UTC)
birchwind: (Default)
From: [personal profile] birchwind
That was really good to read. My oldest is 23, my youngest is 3. I am not a grandmother yet, still just floundering about trying to be a good mom. I enjoyed you sharing your story, and kudos to your boy for being a good dad.

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